I cant say that it feels like yesterday that I arrived to Canada. It has only been 6 months out of the 221 months of my entire life and if you see it that way, it is such a short time. But trust me, I learnt and lived uncountable experiences in these 6 months that have deeply shaped my personality.
Some of the first people who I met in the summer told me that Toronto was boring and that they just wanted to go back to their country. Now I think it is because they didn’t visit Ottawa. Hahaha. But before, I thought I didn’t want to have that feeling of boredom and homesickness. I told myself I was going to do whatever it took to avoid getting to that point of boredom and so I did. I enjoyed, lived and wore out every day and now that it is my turn to be here in my graduation I can say that I fully lived my Canadian experience.
I will be honest, not everyday was good, not everyday was fun or happy. I had some hard days where I was so nervous that I could feel it in my stomach. Days where I cried alone, on the phone or being hugged by someone. Days where I was completely lonely and others surrounded by people. Nights of non sleep, walking in the streets or dancing in nightclubs. Days where I only had breakfast and others when I ate every 2 hours. Nights that I slept alone and others that I slept next to someone. Days when I thought I had no plans but 30 minutes after I was way far from that idea because life changes in a matter of seconds and I learnt that it's up to you to take it or leave it but in the end it is almost all about chances and opportunities.
The following paragraph was written when I was on a train on my way from Ottawa to Montreal
Thursday December 13th 2018
"I have experienced so many things. I have found solutions to problems, I have felt tired, sad, happy, angry, scared, nervous. I have felt lonely, I have felt euphoric, small, big, young, old, different, unique, loved, admired, diminished, accompanied, quiet, talkative, and so on. My mind and my body have been destroyed and put back together almost every day."
Not only did I change in my mindset but also in my appearance. My hair was 8 cm (3 inches) shorter, my weight was 5 kilos (11 pounds) lighter and my skin was a lot more nourished before the winter. After meeting so many different cultures my mindset has expended. Some days I wanted to convert into another religion or another nationality because I was impressed by how amazing other people behave based on their culture but other days I was thankful for being raised as a Mexican.
Although I think that my attitude towards Canada was key to absorb and enjoy every day as it came to me, nothing would have been possible without all the people that I met. From the uber driver that drove me to my first homestay to the police man that talked to me when I arrived to Ottawa to all my teachers, classmates, roomies, friends and so on.
If it hadn’t been for all these people I would have never learnt so much. Cole explained very thoroughly how it is to watch the birth of a baby. Manjula explained how she rescued animals and that she has an elephant. Amanda should be latina because she is such a party person. Chellz and I share the same birthdate but she will never tell you her age. Sara told me how she makes coffee and how much she likes it. Erin makes me laugh so much and I love to see her laugh about her own jokes. Ira told me about her trip to Morocco, Holland and other countries. Rakan explained how hard it was for him to say goodbye to his family. Mohammed trusted me to tell me about his emotions. Denise taught me some words in Swahili. An old man on the bus told me about his trip to Europe. Yavahi cooked soup for me. Jorge gave me a bracelet to remember him. Itzuri was with me in some of the hardest moments. Mamadu says he will give me one of his millions after he becomes billionaire. Michael made sure to tell me about 5 news every morning. Mauricio and I tried poutine together. Hikaru and I tried Vietnamese food together. Hariong and sara were the first ones to hear this speech. Abusagar always shares his cigarettes with me.
My first month here was honestly very hard. Coming to Canada means having to adjust to so many things. It means having to eat different food, adjusting to the extreme weather. Adjusting so many different people from different cultures. It means feeling homesick sometimes. Missing your friends and family. It means having to make new friends or being alone sometimes. Leaning to ride the subway and buses, learning how to keep track of your spending’s. How to communicate in another language. Where to have fun, how to avoid jerks at nightclubs. How to separate the trash. How to dress in layers for winter or how to cook.
Here you learn to truly enjoy until you lose track of time and you realize that the subway is not longer running so you have to wait for the night bus or walk for half an hour.
I could keep mentioning the changes that your mind and body go throw when travelling to another country but that is not the point.
I mean to explain that although at first I thought the beginning was the hardest part for all the previous reasons today I know I was completely wrong. Standing here knowing that by Monday I will be sitting on a plane on my way to another country with the chance of not seeing most of the people that I met here is for sure the hardest part. Right know I just wish I could stay longer to avoid saying goodbye. Because even though there is a small chance of being able to meet again it will never be the same. For sure things never happen the same way twice. Today I am not only saying goodbye to people but also to my 19 year old body and its beautiful way of experiencing Canada.
I promise to keep deep in my heart all I lived and every person who was part of this. I thank you all so much for being part of it and making it such a great time. Please stay as unique as you all are and enjoy life cause this is not our practice life.
With all the love,
Michelle Guizar